Your dream woman isn’t going to choose her #1 best option in dating and love. If you don’t really understand what your dream partner values/cravings, then you’re going to miss the mark to some degree. Unfortunately, second place in the eyes of your ideal woman is a losing position in modern dating.
For an unique (different than what’s written) audio version of this topic, listen to the audio below. The rest of this blog post will give you another perspective that’s a bit easier to skim through. If you find either audio or the text useful, I suggest consuming both, and then scheduling a 1-1 call with us.
Now, clearly this is a big subject. There is a reason why our main programs are typically around 6-10 months long, and there is plenty of continued education afterwards. Human psychology around dating and seduction is complex. View the audio above, and this text as a quick skim over a much deeper subject.
For starters though, let’s be clear on the type of woman we are talking about, as well as the context of the subject…
What I’m going to talk about here is accurate with the majority of women, but it’s especially accurate with the women you are most desiring to date: Physically attractive women who are stable in their finances, emotions, social life, fitness, and psychology.
I state this because almost everyone wants to attract a high level person. A person who is somewhat “out of their dating league”. Men and women both see levels of instability (unstable psychologically, physically, financially, etc.) as being unattractive, and stability as being far more attractive.
When people are deeply unstable, they begin dating not just for love, but also to find the stability they lack (whether emotionally, financially, physically, etc).
As an example: women who are repeatedly labeled as “gold diggers”, “needy”, or as being “crazy”, aren’t in stable places. They will likely use love and sex, as a tool to attract a man who will trade stability for their love and sex in return. Once again, this could be emotional stability, financial support, etc.
The men we work with are stable and accomplished… They desire to be dating someone who is an equal in many ways.
The advice here will help with all women, but it’s most applicable to the women who won’t be impressed purely off of your looks, fitness, and finances. The really attractive and stable women don’t need stability from you, instead they desire passion and genuine connection.
When men hire us, they typically start in a place of wanting to fix a quantity issue: “I want more dates”. Most women, but especially really stable and attractive women, know that they don’t need more dates.
When women hire us to coach them, they start with the desire for higher quality dates, dating experiences, connections and relationship patterns. They don’t frequently complain about not finding a guy with their life together.
However, stability is what most men believe they should be offering in modern dating scenarios. This is likely because just 2 generations ago stability was the top thing you needed as a man to attract a partner.
In modern dating, it’s all about the emotional experience you provide.
Being honest: A very attractive women can go out with men who are more fit, rich, and genetically gifted than you are. If you want to try to attract women by being the most stable, fit, etc. You actually have a lot of dominant competition.
If women want to get guys to buy things for them, flirt with them, have sex them, they can get that. For beautiful and stable women, those qualities in men are not rare or difficult to find.
- A date where the woman will feel complimented and desired… Findable
- A fun night in the sack with a physically attractive guy… Findable
- A mediocre date with a stable man… Very findable
- A guy who can provide a stable lifestyle and living situation… Very findable
- A “good guy” who means well (but might not be all that exciting or stimulating)… Very findable
Attraction, especially on a long term level, requires you to have something women crave, and have a hard time finding…
To attract a woman as a life partner, you have to become something outstanding from all the other men trying to date her. You have to become someone and something she becomes afraid of losing.
You don’t just want to be a good guy with his life together… You have to become something rare in her experience!
When coaching women, they frequently contemplate after dates whether they like the person enough… What I’m pointing out, is that women will frequently find decent to good men who they have decent dates with. However, they struggle to find someone who really captures their desire and attention beyond their average experience.
A woman finding someone she is physically attracted to is not that hard. A woman finding someone she is passionately connected to is very hard.
Now let me point out what makes for a profound and passionate capture of a woman’s attention in modern dating.
Keep in mind, you must provide something that stands above everything she commonly finds as attractive and available. You can’t just be second or third best option. You and the experience she has with you has to clearly be the best.
There are a lot of things that go into that, however, most dominantly, it’s your ability to provide a resounding and comprehensive emotional experience.
What I mean by this, is that she can find the excitement of physical attraction in a bunch of guys, she can find vulnerability with some, she can find stability and a good match on paper with a bunch…
However, we see women get really passionate about a man when he stimulates a large collection of common and some unique emotions.
The good news:
- You don’t need to be the man who get’s her going the most physically
- You don’t need to be the man who is the funniest
- You don’t need to be the man who is the most accomplished
- You don’t need to be the man who is the most erotically stimulating
You do need to become the man who gives her the most well rounded and all encompassing emotional experience, while preferably also bringing forth some unique way of looking at love, sex, life, relationship, purpose etc.
See a woman is going to go out with you more than once because she finds some emotional value. However, she will stop going out with you when she thinks: “you know he’s fun to sleep with / talk to / etc, but I just don’t see being able to be……..” Fill in the blank with goofiness, ambition, challenge, intellectual intrigue, vulnerability, compassion, feeling seen and deeply understood, etc.
You need her to look at her date(s) with you and think “wow I can connect with this guy in so many ways”… Women frequently think things like the following when they find a partner they really want to commit to:
“Yeah, maybe he isn’t the best in bed, maybe he isn’t what I was picturing physically, he isn’t exactly what I was looking for on paper. BUT OH MY GAWD!!! I can just connect with him on SO MANY different levels.”
They don’t just think that to themselves. Their close friends get that raw truth as well. They know that their friend didn’t settle down with her hottest option. They know she didn’t pick the guy who was the wildest in the bedroom, or the richest. The friends know that somehow the guy she stays with for life, just really does it for her and hits so many of the connection points the woman is looking for.
Meaning if you are great at stimulating only a few emotions with a woman. You might be fun for a short bit. However, you lack connective diversity (which is a problem).
Think about it like this: Buying food that is just sweet, just hot, just sour, isn’t expensive. In fact those foods are usually cheap and can be purchased as raw ingredients. This is because it’s not complex, well balanced and diverse. Fine wines and things that people becomes connoisseurs of have complexity.
Think of it like watching a really great movie. The movies that get rated as all time classics are not just hitting the emotion of the genre they are in, they are emotionally layered.
So the highly rated adventure movie isn’t 100% car chases, suspense and explosions. If it has a high rating, it also will have vulnerability, excitement, romance, an interesting message, etc.
This is why when we train a man in-depth in Seductive Integrity we will:
- Look into the guys dating, relationship, and rejection patterns and identify which negative emotional experiences he is creating that need to be completely removed.
- Have him do some live mock-dates with some Vimbasi Female Facilitators to uncover what emotions he typically is skilled at evoked, and which emotions he struggles to bring forward.
- We teach how to lean in and expand the emotions that are his strengths, while also repairing and bringing up the frequency and quality of the emotions he lacks creating connection through.
- We teach him to quickly identify which emotions the woman he is on a date with values the most.
- Throughout, any initial attraction phases, dating, and relationships, we are going to continually check in on what emotions are being hit, and which are being forgotten about.
This makes a profound difference in your ability to attract more frequently and higher quality. But it makes an even bigger difference to the level of passion and devotion you will get from each woman.
So if you have been trying to attract women by improving your fitness, finances, fashion, flashy lifestyle, etc. Stop beating a dead horse. It’s great that you’re stable in those senses. However, if you offer up stability as your main offer, you will attract women who aren’t stable.
Instead, start focusing on:
- how you can expand and diversify the emotions you stimulate in the woman’s experience
- improving how quickly you can access multiple emotions (women aren’t going to wait for date 10 to see if you can connect on the common emotions they desire and value)
- get feedback from dates (not family members or female friends) as to what positive emotions you stimulate, and where you come up short. Fair warning: Most women don’t want to hurt your feelings and in turn won’t be honest with you. If you sign up for a package of female facilitator experiences in our program, this is an instant and guaranteed way to get honest and direct feedback from beautiful women.
Mastering this alone will easily improve your dating and love life in quantity, quality and ability. However, know that this this as about 3% of what we fully want to cover with a client.
So if you want to take this a lot deeper along with a guarantee on results, reach out or sign up for a strategy call. If you want to be evaluated by myself and then ultimately beautiful and accomplished female facilitators, sign up for a call.
If you don’t want another year to go by where you back-burner your love life and in turn miss out on the best connections and memories of your life, sign up for a strategy call. If it’s a good fit, we will promise you at least a 2x improvement on your love life, in the time frame that is most valid, and we will both sign a written contract that has the guarantee and mutual accountability in it.
Keep in mind the majority of single men are trying to figure out how to get a leg up in their ability to attract beautiful women. The men who put in the most dedicated, intelligent and conscious effort are the ones who will come out on top with the most dating options, the best dating ability, the most passionate relationships, and in turn, the best memories and connections in life.
If you want to signup for a call, you can likely find a scheduling link on the page this audio was hosted on, or you can go to VimbasiWarrior.com/call
