Are you embracing what PASSIONATE love requires of you?
Get ready for “real talk”:
The notion of wanting to experience bold love, yet demanding to avoid heartbreak is ridiculous. Never expect to win big when you play small.
There’s not one person that I have met that hasn’t said they want love that is more passionate than what they commonly see in the average romantic relationship examples around them. The reality is that it is so very rare, for the same people to actually work for passionate love more than the common person actually does.
In short: people wish big but work small. Greatness requires effort, and notions like “you deserve love” mislead people from the truth: An outstanding dating or love life demands for you to far surpass the average level of risk and vulnerability that people take to earn love.
Contrary to what Disney or Dove commercials might tell you, no one has to fall in love with you. I wish it was true that you automatically deserve love but the fact of the matter is that romantic love doesn’t work that way.
Try pulling that card next time you want a date with that person you’re attracted to and let’s see how it goes…
Try telling them that they should feel passion and desire for you to the point that they prioritize you above most everyone else in their life. Explain to them that you’re a good person and because of that they should want to have sex with you. When they look at you like you’re crazy try telling them that your friends and your Mom have told you time and time again that you “deserve love” and for that reason they should abide by your desires.
Have that conversation with the same person more than once and a restraining order may ensue.
Are you working to earn passionate love or are you expecting passionate love to work magically for you?
I wish it was true that we all automatically deserved passionate love. But that idea is similar to claiming that we all deserve to be millionaires, or that we all deserve to be professional athletes. It’s just not true.
Maybe you’re reading this and saying “You know. I actually put a lot of effort into my dating life and still nothing happens…”
Have you actually tracked what you’re doing and how effective it is? If it’s not working then on what levels have you tired fixing it (without insisting on clinging to your comfort zone)?
It’s easy for us to feel as if we really put in a lot of effort, but swiping on tinder for 2 hours a day and going on some dates that we automatically presume will suck doesn’t count. Nor does any of the following:
THE AVERAGE HUMAN’S “EFFORT” TO FIND LOVE:
- Putting a higher demand on other people improving their “flaws” than you put on yourself to improve your own.
- Spending time on dating apps or online dating hoping to find a passionate and heavily invested person (let’s be honest, tinder and similar apps are like the slot machines of love). They attract people that aren’t willing to overcome their social fears of rejection. They want to play it safe, which is sad when their hoping for it to result in the most passionate and meaningful relationship of their life.
- Initiating conversations with no more than 2 attractive strangers per month. We are not talking about “Great weather! Come here often?” conversations but rather genuine efforts towards connection. PS: drunken approaches don’t count.
- Going on dates and hoping for “chemistry” to just be there (rather than working to truly connect).
- Treating the opposite sex as if they are guilty till proven innocent rather than seeing them as amazing and alluring. It’s your mindset, fix it.
- Trying to figure out how to manipulate, control, or demean the opposite sex rather than trying to understand and inspire them in genuine ways.
- Only being willing till interact in places or with people that you feel you have great chances with.
- Running from the opportunities that have noticeable levels of vulnerability and only pursuing things that feel 100% safe (which never occurs when we are talking about passionate love).
You must be willing to put your heart on the line first, as well as your ego and effort.
I know… “But that’s scary!”
It might feel scary but you could easily retitle that feeling of anxiety and fear as overwhelming excitement.
Vulnerability and especially stress comes up most frequently when you have something you really value that’s in limbo.
Stress is most commonly a sign of value being present rather than it being a sign of something that you need to run from. Even beyond that fact… Your greatest moments of stress in life have very likely resulted in the greatest growth within your character.
Maybe you’ve been running from fear and vulnerability when you should be perceiving it as an absolute green light.
Heartbreak and rejection aren’t really as bad as people make it out to be.
The most dangerous form of heartbreak, in my experience of leading people in Seductive Integrity, is the kind that develops from lack of use and worry of rejection. Such heartbreak doesn’t only develop loneliness, it causes you to loose touch with your most passionate self.
People that boldly embrace the passions of their heart AS WELL AS the stresses and vulnerabilities that come with it, have more passionate experiences and meaningful relationships by far.
It’s hard for someone to connect with you when vulnerability is something that you aren’t willing to connect with in yourself.
I likely do not know you personally. However, I can make some assumptions about you:
I bet you are a passionate person, more passionate than you allow yourself to be outwardly. I’d bet that life, the media, and your mindset, have tricked you into believing that you’re afraid of vulnerability and rejection.
Yet I’d also bet that if I was in conversation with you, we would discover that your most beautiful moments in life have, and do, come from many of your largest struggles.
I’d bet we would find that you have a passion for connection more than you have an attachment to control. It just needs to be re-awoken. That curious and explorative nature you had as a kid is still there, it’s just been hiding for some time.
You were born with a free heart, have the courage to lead your life with it. Vulnerability and fear of heartbreak is grabbing your attention for a reason… Bliss and your most passionate love exists just beyond those fears.
With this I challenge you with a 2 step process:
- TODAY. Find a way to prioritize connection over control. Find a way to value the unknown rather than clinging to your comfort zone. Replace one of your retreats from potential rejection with your charge towards passionate connection.
- After you take action with item #1, choose to focus on the beauty, freedom and growth that came from the experience. Train your mind to value the risk you take. No matter how hard it was or how much you might wish it would have gone better, focus on how it served your growth or enjoyment.
Please encourage other people to do the same by sharing this post or by coming back and posting your experience below. For doing that and for reading this I thank you.
From the man that likely has your back more than you do: