Top 3 Dating Struggles For Introverts
Top 3 Dating Struggles for Introverts
In this post one of our Assistant Seductive Integrity Mentors, Aaron Yang, goes over the top 3 dating struggles for introverts, and some tips on how he personally overcame these struggles. Improving your dating life as an introvert doesn’t require you to change who you are. However it does change the process you would take to uncover the legacy of your romantic life:
1) Social Anxiety
Many people with a high degree of introversion feel a lot more anxiety when it comes to social interactions than people who lean towards the extroverted end of the spectrum. The day I decided to improve my dating life, I was 21. I walked around my college campus for almost 2 hours before I mustered up enough courage to say a word to a random girl. Four years later, I’ve talked to over 3,000 women. There is no red pill to awaken and suddenly lose the fear of approaching women. What you can do, is channel the emotions you’re feeling.
The anxiety I feel from approaching is reinterpreted into nervousness and then into excitement. I’ve learned that feeling nervous is my body telling me that I want to do something but fear holds me back. My brain calculates the risks involved and my fear becomes irrational. Everyone is too caught up in their own worlds to even care what you’re doing. At most, some of them may wish they had done the same thing. Stand out from the crowd. Do something that most are held back from due to their irrational fears.
2) Alpha = Outgoing
Many of the men that walked this journey of self-improvement were constantly barraged with the idea of being the epitome of masculinity. They imagine the strong stoic man and outgoing charismatic leader combined with the sexual drive of Edward Cullens. People always complain about the unrealistic portrayals of women in media, never do people take a second to address the unrealistic portrayals of masculinity.
“Be a man.” As boys, you hear this all the time growing up in America. “Don’t cry. It’s not manly. Don’t show emotions. Don’t be soft.” Case in point:
Then you hear all the time that women want someone who is sensitive and men assume they want a nice guy. No. They don’t. Most women just want an honest man.
If your authentic personality is not really outgoing, stoic, and sexual and you actually attract a woman demonstrating such traits, it won’t be sustainable. Eventually you’ll feel like, “Yes! I’ve finally found someone!” but then a month in when you start becoming comfortable you start sliding back to your old habits. Then you start arguing with your lady because she’s not accepting you for who you are. It’s not her fault. It’s yours.
It’s your fault for giving her a false impression of who you are. Pretending to be the “ideal man” to attract a woman will be a temporary fix. A more sustainable solution is to become the best version of yourself.
Oftentimes people will throw that obscure advice around, “Just be yourself.” No one knows what the hell that means and it is a total excuse for being the worst version of yourself. What women want, is for you to be the best version of yourself. In order to figure out what the best version of yourself is, you need to explore all aspects of the experience. If you say you’re introverted, explore the extroverted sides of your personality. If you crave adventure and variety, explore the silence and beauty of staying still. Once you’ve explored all facets of yourself, you can slowly find a good medium of where you can reside. You no longer have the excuse to say, “I’m just like that,” without exploring the other end of the black and white.
Eventually you find a nice medium where you are confident of your “gray zone” (as Ander Adams would say) and where you stand between the black and white. Be confident in your gray.
3) Seeing Your Strengths
The benefits of being an outgoing extrovert is that you don’t spend much time thinking before you speak and you can wing a conversation like nothing. If you’ve read Quiet by Susan Cain, she brings up the strengths of introverts. Introverts tend to think much more before they speak. They choose their words wisely and have more depth to their conversations. With being an introvert, you are much more empathetic and perceptive to people. This works to your advantage so much when you’re being perceptive to the emotions of a woman. You know better than most men when you are making a woman uncomfortable or whether or not they just need a man with a strong character to evoke their beauty out.
Written By: Aaron Yang
Vimbasi Seductive Integrity Assistant Mentor – Rank Vimbasi